Finding Therman

Week 29 of Amy Johnson Crow’s 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks Challenge

This week’s word prompt was “Challenging”

     Therman Aubrey Carter was my mother’s biological father. He was born on 23 September 1915 in McLennan County, Texas; the son of Claude Wallace Carter, Sr.  and Prudie Myrl Westbrook.

     Although that sounds like a simple statement, it took over twenty years of research, frustration, tears, throwing my hands up in despair and constantly chasing what seemed to be a ghost, until a couple of years ago, I was finally able to uncover the truth.

     Let’s stop and rewind twenty-five years to 1994.  I was housewife, a busy mother of three small children, I had a very limited budget, no computer and a friend who just introduced me to the wonderful world of genealogy.  I found it all very fascinating as she began to show me her family tree, stories she had written and discoveries she had made. Eagerly, I rushed home, and, in my excitement, I began drawing out a family tree chart on a blank piece of paper. Very quickly, I realized how lopsided it was. I’ve always known that my mother didn’t know who her biological father was, it was not a big secret. Everyone knew that her stepfather adopted her and never thought anything else about it.  It never really seemed to be that big of a deal, until I started filling out my family tree.

     Who was this mystery man, I wondered? I couldn’t ask my mother since she passed away when I was 16 years old. Her mother, my grandmother, passed away two years later, when I was 18 years old and my great-grandmother was gone as well.  There weren’t many people left that I could ask. I decided to write a letter to each of my grandmother’s two sisters, her only siblings who  were still living. I wasn’t sure if they knew anything or not, but it was worth a try. Keep in mind, this was “snail mail”. I didn’t own a computer or have email at that time and to make a long-distance phone call (no cell phones back then) was an extravagant expense that I couldn’t afford.

   In the meantime, I went to talk to my dad to ask him if he had ever heard anything about Mom’s birth father. I vaguely remember hearing that his name was Robert Carter, Howard Carter or maybe Herald?? We all knew that the last name was Carter because there was a picture of my mother when she was a small child. The name on the back said Sandra Darlene Carter. The photo was taken in 1948, which would have been before her stepfather adopted her.

     After speaking with my dad, I learned a little more. He was told by my grandmother that my mother’s birth father was Robert Carter and that he was from Waco. At least now I had a name.  He didn’t know much else except that the family owned some type of business in Waco and that mother’s biological father worked there. He also had remembered hearing a story about the one and only time my mother saw her father. My grandmother was at Cameron Park having a picnic with my mother and her other daughter. She (my grandmother) had gone to throw away their trash and when she turned around to go back to the girls, a man was holding my mom. He was her father. My grandmother ran toward them, jerking my mother from his arms and stormed off. She never saw him again.

     I heard back from my two aunts eventually which confirmed the name Robert Carter. They never met him and never asked my grandmother questions because they respected her privacy.

  “Dear Teresa, I wish I could tell you more about your mother’s father, but I know very very little. His name was Robert Carter, he lived in Waco. I only saw him once, don’t remember what he looked like. He had been married, told Reta that he had his divorce but she found out later that he didn’t, so she left and went to Big Springs Tx where her best girl friend lived. He came out there and got thrown in jail. I don’t know what happened. Anyway, (Grannie), my mother and dad went out there and stayed until Sandra was born, then brought them back to Waco with them. Reta never wanted to talk about him so I respected her privacy. She met and married Jannice’s dad when Sandra was still so small that we just never thought of him as her dad since Johnny adopted her. You can write the courthouse at Big Spring, Tx and ask for a copy of the birth certificate. Give date of birth and the mother’s name, try Carter if there is none, try Roundtree. I don’t know. I’m sorry I can’t help you more but that’s all I know about him.  I called and talked to Reta’s friend, the one that lived in Big Springs but she couldn’t help much, she said he was tall, dark headed with blue eyes like Sandy, said Sandy looked a lot like him. She hadn’t seen or heard of him in years. She didn’t know if he was even still alive. I have some pictures of Grannie and Grandpa Roundtree, I’ll get some copies made for you. Take care, I love you. Aunt Aline”

“ Dear Teresa …… I never knew your mother’s father. I know his name is Bob or Robert Carter and he left before your mother was born. Reta and Johnny married when Sandy was only 6 months old and Johnny adopted her. She could not have had a better father than Johnny. He loved her very much. Well honey, I wish I could help you more… Aunt Georgia”

     I had a few clues to get started with. I had a name and I had a location. There was a family owned business and there may be some type of record of him being thrown in jail in Big Springs. I also learned that he was married at the time my grandmother knew him and that he was tall, dark and handsome.

     I felt that the most important thing to do first was to talk to my grandmother’s friend. Surely a close friend would know more. I asked my aunt for her address so that I could write her. She only had a phone number, so I decided that it was worth the cost of a long-distance call if it gave me answers. It didn’t give me answers, only the same things I already knew. Back to square one. I knew there was no point in sending off for a birth certificate. I already had a copy that shows her father’s name as John Edward Badeaux. After an adoption, the name is changed to the adoptive parent and the original record is sealed. The next best thing was to try to find some type of birth announcement in the newspaper. I called information to get the phone number to a library in Big Springs, Texas. I gave them a call to see if they could locate a birth announcement, which they did. A few weeks later, I received an envelope in the mail with a printed copy of my mother’s birth announcement. Things took so much longer back then than they do now.

     I may not have had anyone left on this earth who could tell me who my mother’s biological father was, but this little snippet in the newspaper put a smile on my face as I read my mother’s name and saw how much she weighed when she was born as well as the exact time of day.  The newspaper article also confirmed the father’s name was Carter. According to the article, his initials were T.R. The R standing for Robert, I assumed, but I was not sure what the T stood for. I began trying to search for a T. R. Carter living in Waco during the time my mother would have been conceived. I found a few that were possibilities but nothing that really fit. Once, I must have been desperate and found a prison record for a Tex Carter from Big Springs, Texas who was serving a sentence for bigamy. It didn’t seem to match but I kept the information just in case.  I tried just about everything I could imagine.  Since the birth announcement article showed “Mr. and Mrs.”, I thought perhaps they may have gotten married, so I searched for marriage records but found nothing except my grandmother’s marriage to John Badeaux. The marriage record used her maiden name and no record could be found with her being married to a Carter. Every corner I turned ended up being a dead end. I searched city directories, census records, courthouse records and every other record I could possibly think of. There was not a record of a Robert Carter who would have fit the person I was looking for. I had a lot of great clues and a lot of puzzle pieces. The problem was that I just couldn’t find the right piece to finish my puzzle. In great frustration, I set it aside and began working on other branches of my family tree.

     Fast forward a few years to around the year 1998. I decided to give it another go. I began writing and making phone calls to my aunts once again hoping something I said would trigger a memory, something they didn’t think of before. I asked them to tell me about my mother when she was little. One of my aunts told me that she used to babysit my mother while my grandmother worked at the sewing factory. She remembered that the Carter family (my mother’s biological father’s Carter family) lived across the street from their house. My aunt said that “whenever the old lady (assuming she meant a grandmother) was visiting, she would come knock on our door wanting to see your mother”.  My grandmother told them to keep my mother hidden so they couldn’t see her, and so they did. I wish they had remembered this bit of information earlier, but at least now I had a lot more to go on. I knew I could figure this out now.  

     As soon as I could manage it, I went to the genealogy library in Waco. My youngest daughter was in gymnastics at the time so I would drop her off at her practice and drag my other two daughters with me to the library.  I began looking through old telephone directories to find a listing for my aunt. Once I found a listing for her, I made a note of the address. The next thing I did was to find the location on a city map. I had to figure out what the address would have been to the house directly across the street. After finding what I needed, It was back to the telephone directory. I went through every listing of the Carter name looking for that street address.  There it was in black and white.  Claud and Juanita Carter were living directly across the street from my aunt. I had the right family, now all I had to do was to find a Robert who was a member of this family. Easier said than done. I began the long process of researching this family.  Beginning by looking up census records, then birth records, death records, obituaries, newspapers, etc. There were only two people with the name Robert in this family that I could find. One of them was a nephew to neighbor Claud and would have been about 6 or 7 years old at the time of my mother’s conception, so he was out. The other Robert was an uncle to neighbor Claud. He may have been a contender, although he was old enough to be my grandmother’s father, he was not living anywhere close to the area. There was another problem with this Robert Carter, his full name was Robert Jackson Carter. It didn’t match the birth announcement. There was another clue from the beginning that I thought might help prove that I was a least on the right track with this Carter family. My dad had remembered that he was told that the biological father worked at the family’s business in Waco. The next trip to the library was spent looking through telephone directories and pouring over microfilmed newspaper from 1940’s and 1950’s looking for any type of advertising that would reveal any clues for this Carter family and their business.

       I found a listing for Carter Equipment Company, Inc with the name Claud Carter as the owner. This confirmed that there was a family owned business associated with the neighbor. I was convinced that I had the correct family, but just couldn’t figure out where my Robert Carter fit it.

     I spent the next several years researching the ancestors of the neighbor, Claud Carter. I researched every branch of this man’s family tree until I became very familiar with all the names. A few years into researching this family, I came across someone who had a family tree online. They had listed the neighbor, Claud Carter as their father. I started pouring over their tree and came across a picture with the caption “Robert Carter” underneath. When I saw the picture, my jaw nearly hit the floor. My mother looked so much like him. I knew I finally found my Robert Carter.

I contacted the owner of the family tree by email. She immediately wrote back to me. I told her my mother’s story and she told me her story in return. The stories seemed very similar. There was an affair that resulted in an illegitimate birth.  She told me that her father, Claude Carter, Jr.  was still living and that she would introduce me to him. I asked her about the photo she had labeled as Robert Carter. She said that he was her father’s brother, but he was no longer living. I was a little confused and thought that I must have missed something because I did not find this Robert anywhere in my research. I knew that Claude Jr. had a brother named Therman Aubrey Carter but had never seen a picture of him. I also knew that Therman had a son named Robert who was about 7 years old when my mother was born.  I started thinking back to the newspaper article about my mother’s birth announcement. It said, “Mr. and Mrs. T.R. Carter”. Could the “T” have stood for Therman and might the “R” have been a misprint that maybe should have been an “A” instead? Perhaps he told my grandmother his name was Robert?  I didn’t really know at this point, only speculation. I did know that I had the correct Carter family and that my mother looked just like the man in the picture. The owner of the family tree called her father and set up a time and place for us to meet.  We met for lunch at Cracker Barrel restaurant in Waco. I had printed the picture of “Robert Carter” from the family tree so that Claude Jr. could identify it for me. He immediately said that it was his brother, but his name wasn’t Robert, it was Therman. He had no idea why his daughter labeled it Robert. I was a bit disappointed, but deep in my heart I knew that Therman had to be my mother’s biological father. We had a nice lunch and conversation. He told me about himself and his family. I asked him if he had ever heard of my grandmother, which he hadn’t. I left feeling disappointed but somehow content. I put the little picture in a frame and put it on my shelf along with other family photos. I felt that I had given it everything I could and felt that I would be ok with that.

      I continued to work on the Carter family tree along with other branches of my family for the next several years. Fast forward to the year 2015 when DNA testing was more affordable. I decided to take the plunge to see if I could confirm this Carter connection. The wait time seemed eternal, but after finally getting the notification that my results were complete, I could hardly wait for them to download.  I clicked on my matches and started seeing the names I recognized as being in the Carter family tree…. Carter, Westbrook, Goodnight, Day!! I knew I had it right. There was no doubt about it now. I looked for the girl who was the owner of the Carter family tree as she told me she had taken a DNA test. She was nowhere on my match list. I found it strange that she didn’t match. My top DNA match at the time was someone with the username “whiteelkglass”. I had no earthly idea who that was. He was a very close match, so I decided to write to him to find out exactly who he was. He wrote back to me telling me his name and I found out that he was the grandson of Therman Aubrey Carter. This all finally made some sense now. My “Robert Carter” was Therman all along. I wanted to be 100% certain so I decided that I would try to figure out a way to get my mother’s adoption records unsealed. I knew it would probably be a huge expense to hire a lawyer, but at my husband’s urging, I decided that I would go ahead and do it.  I contacted a lawyer’s office and made an appointment. The lawyer informed me that I had to petition the judge from the jurisdiction my mother was adopted in and that I had to have a good reason for wanting to uncover the adoption. Doing it for genealogical purposes wasn’t one of them. My mother had several medical conditions that may have very well been inherited. The petition was made to the judge to unseal the adoption records for the purpose of obtaining medical history.  The lawyer wrote the petition and I waited (most impatiently). It didn’t take long to get an answer. I received a call from the lawyer’s office letting me know that I had an answer to my petition. I couldn’t even wait to drive to the office, I had the secretary open the letter and tell me over the phone, right then and there, I had to know immediately. She said these exact words, “It says that the natural father is Therman Carter of Waco, Texas”.  Before my emotions took over, I let her know that I would be there shortly to pick up the paperwork and pay them the fees. After I hung up the phone I started crying and screeching. I’m sure I did some jumping up and down and running around the house. I knew that I knew that I knew it had to be him. For the cost of about $125 and about two weeks waiting time, I found out what I spent twenty years looking for.

     After I calmed down, the thought came to me. If his name was on the adoption papers as the natural father, my grandmother had to have known all along what his real name was. Why did she try so hard to keep his name a secret? What had she gone through with this man that she was determined to keep her daughter hidden from?  Now that I had one mystery finally solved, it presented more questions, which I eventually uncovered.

     Once I knew the exact person to focus on, I gathered everything I had on Therman, which wasn’t much. I knew that he passed away in 1983, just 6 months before my mother. I headed to the genealogy library in Waco to find his obituary in the microfilmed newspaper.

     “Thermen Aubrey Carter, 68 of 1822 Windsor died Monday at a Temple hospital. Services will be at 10 a.m. Thursday at Connally-Compton Downtown Chapel, Bert Mercer officiating. Burial will be at Rosemound Cemetery. Mr. Carter was a World War II veteran and was a foreman for Brown and Root for 20 years. He was a member of American Legion Post No. 121 and Veterans of Foreign Wars. He was a member of the Church of Christ. Survivors include three daughters, Myrl Holmes of Garland, Patricia Korenek of West and Jeanie Grillett of Houston; five sons, Robert Carter of Lancaster, Therman Carter, Jr. of Jefferson City, Mo., James Carter of Lufkin, Louis David Carter of San Francisco and Kurt Daniel Carter of Bryan; three sisters, Dorothy Parks, Opal McCutchen and Melba Bettinger, all of Waco; a brother, Claude W. Carter of Waco; 19 grandchildren; and three great-grandchildren.”

     Since I was already in Waco when I found the obituary, I decided that I would try to find his grave. After arriving at the cemetery, I realized how huge it was and that it may take a while to locate. After spotting the military veterans’ section, I decided to take a chance and check there. Once I found his headstone, I had a flood of emotion.  After twenty years, I had found him.  There were still so many unanswered questions, but at least I finally found Therman.